Between my Jewish father and my Lebanese mother

My parents are no longer together, but I am close with them in different ways.

My father is an Ashkenazi Jew. He is an atheist and rejects organised religion, but he doesn’t reject his culture. I was raised to know that I was Jewish first, Australian second. I don’t think he even meant to raise me this way - but hearing what had been done to his family in Europe, that’s the conclusion I came to. 

My mother’s family is from Maaser el Chouf, a mountain village in Lebanon. She’s third generation Australian.

She has always been sympathetic to the Jewish people and to the Palestinian people - Lebanon is right next to Israel and has the world’s largest population of Palestinian refugees. She was always saddened that Lebanon never took those refugees in as citizens, and was originally sympathetic to the Zionist cause after WWII. 

Just after October 7, my mother expressed her sadness and outrage at Hamas’ massacre. When Israel responded, she expressed the same for the bombing of Gaza. She held two truths at once. 

A few months later she declared herself to be “anti-Zionist”. I didn’t think much of it, because I, too, have understood that word to have different meanings over time. I assume she meant that she was anti-expansionist, anti-settlements, anti-one-state and-that’s-Israel.

I still think that’s what she means. She does not deny that Jews need a home and that, for many of them, their home is Israel. But this proclamation of anti-Zionism seemed to mark a turning point.