Should I say I’m Jewish on my dating profile?

Dear Sex & The Shtetl,
How do I write an online dating profile - and should I say I'm Jewish?
Hopeful Hebrew

So you’re diving into the tuna brine of online dating, where people describe themselves as “erotic antagonists” and their biggest fear is “bumping into my crazy ex while I’m with you lol”. You’re also wondering if you should say you’re Jewish in your profile. It’s the age-old conundrum of whether or not to out oneself as a member of the tribe, which has become even more complicated in the murky post October 7 swamp we currently find ourselves squelching in. Like a well-placed Oy, the answer to your question is all about nuance.

First, let’s talk about the profile itself. Your dating profile should be a 60/40 split: 60% “Here’s how I’m cute, smart and funny" and 40% "Here’s what I’m looking for but in a way that makes me seem chill and unattached to the outcome". If you tilt too far into “looking for my bashert to fill the void,” you’ll attract the kind of person who asks to laser your snail trail with their portable hair remover during your first sleepover. If you go too far into “I don’t care about anything,” you’ll attract a narcissist who calls you “bro” in bed.

Your bio or prompt responses should be light and punchy, with a shpritz of self-deprecation but not in a “I ought to be medicated” sort of way. Here are a few examples:
“Will break out into Tradition from Fiddler at parties, unprovoked.”
“Once took my grandfather backpacking around Eastern Europe. Never again.”
“The ultimate threesome: You. Me. Hummus.”

Notice the Jewishness is there, but it’s not a neon sign flashing “MY CIRCUMCISED SCHLONG SAYS SHALOM.” Subtle. Like the way your parents remind you that they’re “not getting any younger.”

If it’s extremely important to you to date another Jew, then sure, be overt and put it out there. In an ideal world, writing “Jewish” outright on a dating app could attract the one or at least fend off the ones who have an issue with it (go ahead and dodge that neo-Nazi or alt-left bullet). But keep in mind that it could also invite some hate speech or weird energy from people who see your culture and/or religion as an aesthetic, a fetish, or a historical artifact they saw in a museum once. (Still unsure which one is worse.)

Assuming you’re more flexible and not engaging with the certified Jewish dating platforms, let’s go the vibes route. Instead of writing “Jewish,” post photos that are Jewish-coded but make it flirty. A pic accentuating your biceps as you flip latkes by the stove? Great. A selfie with your bubbe? Solid (but only if she looks approving). A shot of you seductively tracing the negative space in a bagel? Perfect. Let the cultural cues do the heavy lifting. And if banter is a top priority for you, drop in a casual mention of “trauma-bonding.”

Keep it light, keep it tight and for the love of De-Gas capsules, please proofread. There’s a big difference between “I always seem to find myself IN a different pickle every week’ and ‘I always seem to find myself ON a different pickle every week’ and it could be make or break … depending on what you’re looking for I suppose.

Go forth and swipe with koach,
Sex & The Shtetl xxoo

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