Leaning in to interfaith love

In my twenties, I went to a lecture by a well-meaning rabbi on the topic: “Why marry Jewish?” My friends were going, and they told me there was going to be a good spread! The rabbi’s argument was relatively straightforward. In his opinion, marrying a non-Jewish person would lead to disharmony and had a higher chance of leading towards divorce.

In the years since that lecture, I sometimes think about the rabbi’s words. I married a Filipino Australian woman and, so far, my experience of disharmony and incompatibility couldn’t be further from the truth.

On our first date in 2016, at the Prince of Wales hotel in St Kilda, my now wife Janeca asked me where I was from. When I explained to her that my grandfather immigrated here from Germany via the Philippines, she thought I might be using a cheesy pick up line on her.

It was true. My grandfather fled to her hometown to escape the Nazis. She was unfamiliar with this aspect of Jewish and Filipino history and surprised to learn that President Manuel L. Quezon of the Philippines welcomed over 1,000 Jewish refugees fleeing Nazi persecution from 1937.  She even asked my mum about it when meeting here to confirm its veracity!

Charity, empathy and kindness are both Jewish and Filipino values. The more I learn about different cultures, the more beauty I see in humanity.

When we married in 2018 year, Janeca and I blended our Filipino Jewish families. In our mind, we have taken the best aspects of both cultures to raise our family. We love going out to Filipino restaurants in Melbourne, and we love having Shabbat dinners with my mum. We celebrate Christmas with her family, and and Jewish festivals with mine. Last month, with Chanukah and Christmas falling simultaneously, Chrismukkah celebrations were pretty packed!

With our blended interfaith family, we feel that we are equally involved in showing our girls the best of Filipino and Jewish culture. We are involved in Jewish life with my family, celebrating the festivals and shabbat. Our Progressive synagogue, Temple Beth Israel has many families like ours, reflecting multicultural Australia, and is inclusive and welcoming. We know that when the times comes, our daughters will be able to be bat mitzvah there.

Within my Filipino community, I have never had any pushback to our marriage. Some of my Jewish friends have been less tolerant. When I bumped into an old friend at the supermarket, we talked about our new lives and families. They took the opportunity to tell me that my children are not Jewish according to Orthodox Jewish law as my wife didn’t convert. This really makes my blood boil. Why was he “Jewsplaining” to me?  

My daughters feel Jewish, and within my Progressive Jewish community no one views them as less Jewish than other children. To imply otherwise is not just insensitive but outright rude. I accept people and do not pass judgement on their relationships and I wish that some of my other friends could show the same courtesy.

I know some in the Jewish community feel anxious about interfaith marriages. Significant resources are invested in encouraging Jews to marry within the faith. But the reality is, interfaith marriages are rising in Australia. According to the GEN17 Australian Jewish Community Survey, the intermarriage rate for 2010 to 2017 was 33% – nearly double the rate of the 1990s. This trend reflects the increasingly multicultural society we live in.

My advice to those on the dating scene is to lean in to love. There is something special about people finding who they love and getting immersed in their culture and life. I know some people only want to marry Jewish, and I respect people who choose to do that, but I only ask for the same mutual respect for my relationships. In life, there are so many exciting new experiences, flavours, music and more to enjoy.

I’m really enjoying being part of two cultures, and I think my grandfather, the Holocaust survivor who came to Australia seeking a new life, would be very proud of my journey.

When I look at my wife Janeca and see my two daughters, Shifra and Raziel, I feel a sense of pride. We are Jewish, we are part of the community, and we love being multicultural Australians.

Sometimes I think about the rabbi’s talk that I went to all those years ago, and his words echo in my mind, but deep down, I know that he is wrong. My life is more harmonious and happy than I could have ever imagined.