How do I tell my husband to get the gift memo this Father’s Day?

Dear Sex and the Shtetl,
Every year on Father’s Day, I make an effort to organise a thoughtful gift for our children to give to my husband, plus a lovely card which I write on their behalf. When Mother's Day comes around, he doesn’t reciprocate. Am I being too “high maintenance?”
Shooshed in the Shtetl  

Dear Shooshed in the Shtetl, 

Let’s get this out of the way: “High maintenance” is berating your partner for sitting on the bed in their ‘outside clothes’; insisting the Wi-Fi router be Feng Shui-ed into the back room at the cost of your internet speed; or demanding a perfectly staggered spectrum of avocado ripeness at the time of purchase.

What you’re describing is “a token of appreciation”, otherwise known as “baseline emotional reciprocity” or at the very least, “Google Mother’s Day Gift” and “add to cart”. 

Every year, you source a gift, write a card from the kids and ensure the man feels like Avram, Yitzhak vs Yakov. Then Mother’s Day rolls around and what do you get? Crickets. Or worse: the macaroni necklace from the bottom of the kindy bag and a last-minute Woolies Metro crime against romance involving a ‘scented candle’ from the BBQ section and a KitKat Chunky. 

You say you “make an effort” for him. That’s not nothing. That’s not even half-nothing. That’s something. And in relationships, something should beget something – not in a transactional, “I bought you a coffee so now you owe me a Shabbat Shtoop” way – but in a “we are both invested in making each other feel loved and seen” way. 

Here’s what I suspect is going on: your husband thinks Mother’s Day is not for him to organise, because technically, you’re not his mother. This is a silly technicality. Assuming your kids can’t operate your PayPal account, they probably can’t craft a heartfelt card. Or even write their names on a generic one without sucking the ink out of the last decent sharpie. He is their proxy. He should know this.