A nightmare we can’t wake up from

This changes everything. I don’t know how. But it does.

What happened at Bondi Beach was not just an attack against Jews. It was an assault on all Australians, on the way of life I have grown up with and cherished for 60 years.

This was a massacre of a group of people because of their religion. It hasn’t happened in Australia before. Not like this. Port Arthur was an unhinged madman. Hoddle Street likewise, Westfield another mentally unwell loner.

This was pure premeditated evil. A community gathered to celebrate a Jewish festival, Chanukah, at Sydney’s gathering place for Jews, was picked off by a father and son whose aim was to kill as many of our community as they could.

Their indiscriminate rampage also killed and wounded other Australians, from all walks of life, who had descended on the beach in a summer ritual that is as Australian as vegemite. So it is an attack on all Australians, physically, emotionally and politically.

But first and foremost, it is an attack against Australian Jews. It has reinforced all the anxieties, fears and insularities that Jews have felt during the past two years.

Yesterday afternoon, when I heard news of the shootings, my first instinct was to call my children. My son is a journalist; I thought he may have some details. Then quickly I realised he goes to Bondi to swim, he may be there. He didn’t answer my call. I rang several times and there was no reply.

For ten minutes I had a feeling of dread that parents all around the world have felt, in countries where gun violence and terrorism are woven into the social fabric, and ordinary people are conditioned into expecting tragedy.