My experience of my body has radically shifted

As a Queer, non-binary, trans, Modern Orthodox, Mizrachi Jew, my relationship with my body has felt like a long and varied hike.

I’m not a fan of hiking. The lack of amenities? A major concern. And those tiny rocks that sneak into your shoes? A disturbing sensation. The uncertain terrain does wonders for my anxiety and 98% of the time, I find myself swatting mosquitoes and staring at my feet to avoid tripping over.

If you’re nodding along in solidarity, or shaking your head in disagreement, that’s perfectly fine. Just remember, everyone has their own hiking experience, just as everyone has their own body image journey. This one is uniquely mine.

Before I fully understood my Mizrachi heritage or my gender identity, I knew I looked and dressed differently. My hair was thick, dark, and entirely uninterested in conforming to the smooth ballet buns of my classmates. I refused to wear dresses or anything tight-fitting. I gravitated toward pants or my Batman costume, feeling more like myself in them.

Then there was my single eyebrow that set me apart from my fairer Ashkenazi friends. One of my earliest conscious memories involves a kid commenting on the aforementioned eyebrow, which brought up a mix of frustration and self-consciousness over appearing different. Determined to ‘fix it’, I went home and accidentally shaved half of it off, which ultimately led to my first trip to the beautician.

Since socially transitioning, my experience of my body has radically shifted. I’ve gone from presenting as female and internalising many of the expectations that come with that, to presenting more as male. It has been a significant psychological adjustment. Not only has my gender transition been affirming, but I’ve also felt a greater mental ease around my body image.