Melbourne Chevra Kadisha implicitly recognises LGBTQ+ families

When a gay man has an Orthodox Jewish funeral, how is his same sex partner recognised as a mourner? Should a male or female team do the ritual washing when the deceased is transgender? What happens when the parents of the deceased use one name or gender and their partner uses another?   

New guidelines to be published this week by the Melbourne Chevra Kadisha (MCK) will help answer these questions, ensuring all family types are treated with dignity.

The burial society will publish a commitment which reads, “Melbourne Chevra Kadisha cares for every Jewish person who comes into our care with the same dignity, modesty, and respect, without exception, regardless of background, religious beliefs, history, gender, sexuality, or family structure. Partners are recognised in funeral arrangements in exactly the same way.”

The new guidelines seek to avoid dispute over the deceased person’s name, gender, or pronouns, which can occur when a name or gender habitually used by the deceased does not match their legally registered details or when the family of origin does not recognise changes made by the deceased during their lifetime.

Public funeral material will use the name supplied by next of kin while registration with Births, Deaths and Marriages will use the person’s registered legal name.

“These serve two different purposes, one reflects how a person is honoured by their community and the other is a legal requirement, and the Melbourne Chevra Kadisha manages both with care and discretion,” the guidelines note.

In cases of dispute, MCK will follow the legal hierarchy of next of kin, which places the spouse and children ahead of parents and siblings, “while working actively with families through guidance and negotiations to help find common ground”. Individuals are welcome to register their wishes with the Burial Society in advance.