How do introverts fit into Jewish life?

I rarely go to synagogue on Saturdays. Instead, I spend Shabbat mornings in what I suspect would be an extrovert’s nightmare: taking a long, device-free walk with my husband, reading a hard-copy newspaper or book, and drinking copious amounts of tea. It’s incredibly restorative, in a way that I’ve never found attending shul to be. And lately, I’ve been thinking that Jewish life isn’t really set up for introverts like me.

From Shabbat dinners to Pesach seders; praying in a minyan to sitting shiva; challah bakes to group trips to Israel; so much about Judaism is being part of a community and surrounded by others. Of course, feeling connected to community – as we’ve seen since October 7 and post-Bondi Beach – is incredibly important.

But with some of us needing much more alone-time than others, I asked two rabbis whether being introverted is compatible with living a full Jewish life. Before sharing their views, though, let’s be clear about the difference between introverts and extroverts.

According to the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, extroverts gain energy from being with other people, while introverts expend energy by being with others. That’s not to say that introverts dislike other people. Rather, they need time alone to recharge after being around others.

In her bestseller, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, the American author Susan Cain writes that although there’s no universally accepted definition, contemporary psychologists agree that introverts and extroverts differ in the level of outside stimulation they need to function well.

“Introverts… may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pyjamas,” writes Cain. “They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues and family… Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.”