When they ask about…antisemitism

There’s almost no more dreaded question than having our youngsters, whether primary-school aged, teenagers or even young adults, ask us, ‘Why do they hate us so?’

For those called on to respond as a parent or educator, it is deeply painful, as Lee Kofman describes in her recent article To tell them or not: parenting, post October 7 .

We may long to reassure our young people that antisemitism is a thing of the past, that society has learned from the Shoah and understands the dangers of antisemitism - indeed all forms of prejudice -  and that the existence of Israel has shifted the dynamics of Jewish life profoundly, but the events of October 7 and their aftermath have changed the conversation profoundly.

With a lump in our throats and no matter how shaken we may feel, we must not dismiss our children’s concerns in an effort to protect. We need to be honest and may even decide to initiate the conversation. Either way, we signal that this is an appropriate subject and that openness is the preferred mode of communication around this topic, as around other sensitive ones. The last thing we want is for our children to be feeling burdened by antisemitism, internalising it and feeling a sense of shame.

Beyond being open to the conversation, how then to respond? Of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all response and judgment is needed but there are some broad guidelines to consider.

First off, seek to understand what is going on by asking open questions that elicit more information. What is it that your child has seen or experienced? Was it face-to-face, online, at school, around the streets or something overheard? In this way you will have a clearer sense of what you’re being called on to address, while also checking on their physical and psychological safety.